Letting Fear Control Your Life
We've all had those holy shit moments, the days of tears and the hard falls.
Sometimes they are horse-related; other times they have nothing to do with horses at all.
The truth is, it doesn’t matter if our fears and insecurities are the result of something horse-related or everyday life-related. Everything that happens to us, the good, the bad, and the indifferent, all shape who we are as people.
Our experiences in life, particularly the difficult situations we face, offer us a choice. A choice to learn, grow, and heal. Or a choice to stay frozen in our own fear and let our anxieties take control.
I love the saying, “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand”.
How we choose to play our own cards affects not only our inner world but also our outer world. Who we are and how we are in this world dictates the frequency we unknowingly share with the beings and situations around us.
Our horses are much more sensitive to this energy than most humans are. Which is why we need to be conscious of how easily we can affect them without really doing anything at all.
I remember many years ago, my neighbour at the time, Rob Cox, told me that he was going to write the world's shortest book, titled “What’s wrong with my Dog”. You open the book, and inside is nothing but a mirror. I loved this idea because it offers such simplicity to so many “behavioural issues” our animals throw at us.
I ask you to think of the following situations. Can you relate?
Have you ever been on your horse and thought, I’m ready to ask for a trot, then before you even ask, your horse trots?
Or maybe you have your horse for sale; they are usually perfectly behaved, but on the day potential buyers come out to see your horse, you think to yourself, “I hope my horse is well behaved today,” then your horse puts on a rodeo like he’s never behaved before.
Or maybe you and your horse are so perfectly matched that you have personalities that are practically a carbon copy of each other.
None of the above situations are a result of pure chance. The above situations result from the energy carried by our intentions and thoughts. Our horses pick up this flow of energy, which then affects their actions.
Fear is something we all experience at some point when working with our horses. Fear and anxiety are often emotional responses to past experiences or to the uncertainty of the unknown. When our energy is driven by fear and anxiety, the nervous system goes into fight-or-flight.
This fight-or-flight response is our body operating in the sympathetic nervous system. The body begins releasing stress hormones such as adrenaline. This surge of adrenaline through the body causes a notable increase in respiratory rate, heart rate, and blood pressure. Each of these functions redirects and increases blood flow to vital organs and muscles, thereby increasing your body's ability to “get the hell out of there and at speed”.
As prey animals, our horses are attuned to their surroundings and sensitive to the possibility of danger. They pick up very well on how we feel and feed off that energy. How a horse reacts to a fearful, anxious human will vary depending on the individual horse, their perception of the danger, past experiences associated with the situation, and how they are feeling.
Fear and anxiety responses in horses are often expressed through what we like to label as unacceptable or dangerous behaviours.
When fear and anxiety are triggered in a person, fear and anxiety will be triggered in the horse, causing the horse to respond with dangerous or exuberant behaviour, which will lead to more fear and anxiety in the person, thus causing an escalation in the horse's behaviour, and so the cycle continues to snowball.
When a human’s or horse's body is in a constant state of fear, anxiety, stress, or pain, the sympathetic nervous system takes over, dysregulating hormones and overworking the musculoskeletal system as a whole, as it is always ready to fight or flee. When the nervous system cannot regulate itself, the body becomes a breeding ground for sickness and disease.
When a person struggles with anxiety, fear, pain, or stress, their horse is likely to experience feelings of the same. Both are then more likely to experience health issues.
You may even notice similarities between horses and their humans, as they experience similar health issues!
Facing the things we fear often brings intense feelings of overwhelm. At times, the journey can feel hopeless, but breaking it into smaller, more achievable steps can help in many situations. At other times, facing our fears may mean recognising that the path we are on isn’t the right one for us, and that is ok! Take a leap of faith and choose a different path or even pave a new one!
For some people, this may mean asking for help, exploring other methodologies, involving a vet, or other specialists. For others, it may mean looking for a more suitable horse or practising mindfulness, breathing, or meditation and incorporating these into the time you spend with your horse.